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 Funny Retirement Poems Including

 Teacher Retirement Poems

Retirement Poems Image #AB

This webpage contains inspirational and funny retirement poems. This is in line with the philosophy of The Joy of Being Retired Website, which is  to prove that retirement rocks.

In other words, we want to celebrate retirement instead of looking at it as a bad thing. This is what I also do in my international best-seller How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free.

retirement resource

Retired is being twice tired, I've thought
First tired of working,
Then tired of not.
— Richard Armour

My age is just a number.
I really just don't feel old.
Tell this to my wife, and she will say,
Viagra is the reason that I feel so bold.
COPYRIGHT © Dave Erhard Used with Special Permission

Life is mostly froth and bubble.
Two things stand like stone:
Dodging duty at the double,
Leaving work alone.
— Unknown Retired Person

My life has been one great big joke,
A dance that's walked
A song that's spoke,
I laugh so hard I almost choke
When I think about myself.
— Maya Angelou

I guess I'll have to change my [retirement] plan 
I should have realized there'd be another man
Why did I buy those blue pyjamas
Before the big affair began?
I guess I'll have to change my [retirement] plan.
— Howard Dietz

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner,
And take to light claret instead of pale ale;
Look down with an utter contempt upon butter,
And never touch bread till it's toasted — or stale
— H. S. Leigh

I don't know what old is yet,
Something about days of yore,
I'm "only" 63,
So it must be at least 70 or more.
COPYRIGHT ©  Dave Erhard  Used with Special Permission

The Retiree's Creed:
Early to Bed
Sleep in late
Collect your pension
Ain't life great!
 Author Unknown

Funny Retirement Poems about Money

Funny Retirement Poem Image for Money

Never ask of money spent
Where the spender thinks it went.
Nobody was ever meant
To remember or invent
What he did with every cent.
— Robert Frost

Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age.
Nothing does — except wrinkles.
It's true, some wines improve with age.
But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
 Abigail Van Buren

I'm tired of Love: I'm still more tired of Rhyme.
But Money gives me pleasure all the time.
— Hilaire Belloc, "Fatigued," Sonnets and Verse, 1923

Clearly money has something to do with life.
In fact, they've a lot in common, if you enquire:
You can't put off being young until you retire.
— Philip Larkin, "Money"

 Retirement Verse That Should Have Been

Written by Ernie Zelinski (But Wasn't)

Funny Retirement Poem - Song

I call the following retirement verse an "early retirement poem." I discovered it on the Internet while searching for funny retirement quotes for the Retirement Quotes Website and anything related to my international best-seller The Joy of Not Working. The creator of the poem Van Tu practices The Joy of Not Working better than I do!


The Joy of Not Working

I spend the whole early morning
In bed
Listen to light music
Daydreaming on and off

I leisurely take a long hot shower
Scrubbing myself from top to toe
Enjoying my excellent
Health

I go for a slow walk after lunch time
Admiring the lovely flowers in the sunshine
Along the way

I ride my bicycle all over town
The cool breeze blowing in my face
Transports me back to sweet
Saigon

When I was a carefree innocent teenager!

Those who know don't work . . .

( COPYRIGHT ©  by Van Tu    Used with Special Permission) 

 

 Retirement Poem (Song) by Busker Ben Kerr

Ben Kerr Funny Retirement Poems Image

Photo of Ben Kerr (His T-shirt Relates to Cayenne Pepper)

The following retirement poem is actually a song about the joys of early retirement and the joys of not working written by the late Ben Kerr, an amazing individual, who lived in Toronto and made his living as a busker. In days bygone, you could find Ben singing at the corner of Young and Bloor or at the Kensington Market. Ben wrote this song soon after we met, when I gave him a copy of my international best-selling retirement book called The Joy Of Not Working (Over 295,000 copies sold and published in 17 languages).


The Joy of Not Working

I know the joy of not working nine to five
Singing every day at Yonge and Bloor
Strumming my old five-string guitar
It's the joy of not working and that's for sure

People say that I'm a lucky guy
And they wish that they could be like me
To know the joy of not working from nine to five
To be footloose and fancy free

But they'll never lose the treadmill that they're on
And it's sad to see dejection in their eyes
The joy of not working could be there
But they're just too afraid to try

Ernie J. Zelinski wrote a book
The Joy Of Not Working is its name
'Cause Ernie is a fellow just like me
And the joy of not working is his game

I know the joy of not working nine to five
Singing every day at Yonge and Bloor
Strumming my old five-string guitar
It's the joy of not working and that's for sure

Strumming my old five-string guitar at Yonge and Bloor
It's the joy of not working and that's for sure
The joy of not working and that's for sure
Ben Kerr COPYRIGHT ©  Used with Special Permission

 

 

More Funny Retirement Poems

On with the dance! let joy be unconfined;
No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet
To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.
— Lord Byron (writing about parties, if not retirement parties)

Drink, and dance and laugh and lie,
Love the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)
— Dorothy Parker  

 

Not-So-Funny Retirement Poems

Fear no more the heat o' th' sun,
Nor the furious winter's rages.
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone and ta'en thy wages.
— William Shakespeare

I grow old ...I grow old
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind?
Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon
the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
— T. S. Eliot (Thomas Stearns Eliot) American born writer and poet, from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufock

No memory of having starred
Atones for later disregard,
Or keeps the end from being hard.
— Robert Frost, U.S. poet. Two Tramps in Mud Time

We start early in the morning,
And work until we have to go to bed.,
The heck with talk about retirement,
We can't even pay attention, let alone the rent,
If this is all there is to living,
We would all rather be dead.
— Workplace Graffiti

Learn to live well, or fairly make your will;
You've played, and loved, and ate, and drunk your fill:
Walk sober off; before a sprightlier age
Comes tittering on, and shoves you from the stage:
— Alexander Pope

An elegant sufficiency, content,
Retirement, rural quiet, friendship, books,
Ease and alternate labor, useful life,
Progressive virtue, and approving Heaven!
— James Thomson

Not a Teacher Retirement Poem, But One about

Trying to Be an Artist in Retirement

And the first rude sketch that the world had seen was joy to his mighty heart,
Till the Devil whispered behind the leaves "It's pretty, but is it Art?"
— Rudyard Kipling

For More Retirement Poems and Funny Retirement Quotes 

See:

Coming Soon

  • More Funny Retirement Poems
  • More Teacher Retirement Poems
  • Principal Retirement Poems  

 The World's Best Retirement Book

Over 310,000 Copies Sold and Published in 9 Languages

If you want to earn your retirement karma points while discovering . . .

  • The Secrets to an Effortless, Happy Retirement

  • The Secrets to Having Everything You Want in Retirement

retirement gift book by Ernie Zelinski  

Review of How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free

Make the most important investment that you can make for your retirement right now:

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RETIREMENT BOOKS  TO HELP YOU EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF BEING RETIRED

  THE WORLD'S BEST RETIREMENT BOOK by Ernie J. Zelinski 

Recession Book for the Retired Image

OVER 310,000 COPIES SOLD

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