Funny
Retirement Quotes and Sayings
This webpage contains inspirational retirement quotes and
funny retirement quotes. This is in line with
the philosophy of The Joy of Being
Retired Website, which is
to celebrate retirement and laugh
at it instead of looking at it as a bad
thing.
#1 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it,
too.
- Charles Baxter in the The Feast of Love
#2 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
Viva la retirement, grab it by the horns and go for it.
- Cheryl Marland at the Retirement Blog But What Now
#3 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run
over.
- Author Unknown
#4 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
The money is no better in retirement but the hours
are!
- Author Unknown
#5 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
Happiness is being retired and spending all
of my kids' inheritance before I die!
- Anon, contributed by Travel
Insurance Quotes Australia
#6 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart
does.
- Author Unknown
#7 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
My retirement
plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.
- Patty Doyle
#8 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
He or she who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't
far from retirement.
- Unknown wise person
#9 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
- Gene Perret
#10 of Top-Ten Funny Retirement
Quotes
My only [retirement]
advice is to lay off alcohol, tobacco, and wild women. Any can kill you.
- James Biggs (104-year-old resident in a Dallas retirement-community)
Top-10
Positive Retirement Quotations That Can Be Used as
Retirement Wishes
Here we have more
positive inspirational retirement quotes to celebrate retirement, many of which have been liberated from various
retirement websites by Ernie J.
Zelinski including How to Retire Happy, The
Retirement Cafe, Retirement Quotes on Squidoo, The Retirement Quotes
Cafe and Retirement Sayings and Quotes
on The Joy of Not Working Website. These funny retirement sayings can be used as retirement wishes and adapted to
create teacher retirement quotes.
Number 1 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement
Quotes
The
key to retirement is to find joy in the little things.
- Susan Miller
Number 2 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement
Quotes
A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell 'em
to get a life.
- Larry Laser
Number 3 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement
Quotes
Retirement itself is the best [retirement]
gift. No gold watch could ever top it.
- Abigail Charleson
Number 4 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement
Quotes
If my dreams could all come true paradise/retirement
would be - in a little bungalow - somewhere by the sea.
- Unknown wise person
Number 5 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement Quotes
Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without
worrying about getting caught at it.
- Gene Perret
Number 6 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement Quotes
I really stay busy [in retirement]. I often have to
cancel my golf games on the weekends to go play in tennis tournaments.
- Richard Davies
Number 7 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement Quotes
There is life after retirement, and it is
BETTER.
- Catherine Pulsifer
Number 8 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement Quotes
Retire from
work, but not from
life..
- M. K. Soni
Number 9 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement Quotes
I'm not retiring from life, just a job.
- Unknown wise person
Number 10 of Top-Ten Positive Retirement
Quotes
Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying retirement! The best
part is observing my neighbors drive off to work in the morning knowing that that their day will be filled
with jerks, brainless and endless meetings, jerks, vendor lunches where you hold your breath just waiting
for the sales pitch until you regurgitate your pasta, more jerks and the eventual company reorganization of
the section that was just reorganized last month!
- Bill Kalmar
An Important Serious Retirement Quote
about
The World's Best Retirement Book That Has Already
Sold Over 150,000
Copies
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(Excerpt from a review of
The World's Best Retirement Book on November 8, 2008 in the Financial
Post)
To be sure, retirement
books are a glutted field, but most focus on money and financial
planning. They view the finish
line as the last day of employment.
That’s where Ernie Zelinski’s How to Retire Happy, Wild, and
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— Jonathan Chevreau, retirement columnist with the National
Post
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More Funny Retirement Qutoes
Besides the following funny retirement quotes, check out the
Retirement Quotes for Smart
People on the Sensational Quotes for Smart People Website by Ernie Zelinski of VIP Books.
I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same
income.
- Author Unknown
You have to be a real clown not to have a financial plan and
be saving for your retirement. Right? Not really, you would just be among the approximately 80% of
Canadians who don't have any sort of comprehensive financial plan, according to the Financial Planning
Standards Council.
— Garry Marr, writing in the Financial Post
I retired early for
health reasons - my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
- Unknown wise person
Retirement: Something that
should be arrived at in haste and should be lived at in leisure.
— Dave Erhard
You know the Social Security they keep deducting off
your paycheck. Well, my retirement plan was to retire early — which I did — and have you pay for my
retirement living for a long, long time.
Thanks.
— Anon wise retiree
The Republican Party is a friend of
Social Security the way Colonel
Sanders was a friend of chickens.
- Charles T. Manatt
If you are going to go broke before retirement, retire first.
— Dave Erhard
I retired early for health reasons - my company was sick of me and I was sick
of them.
- Unknown wise person
God has a plan for your retirement.
— Billy Graham
When you see some people work you wonder what they will do in
retirement...
- Author Unknown
I’m now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.
- Unknown wise person
I’m retired. You on the other hand have to go to work.
- Unknown wise person
The money’s no better in retirement but the hours are!
- Unknown wise person
Still More Funny Retirement Quotes and Retirement
Sayings
Never get out of bed before
noon.
- Charles Bukowski
The best retirement for workaholics
is no retirement at all.
— Anon workaholic
Before deciding to take early
retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television.
- Author Unknown
When a man retires and time is no
longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
- R.C. Sherriff
Retirement: It's nice to get out of
the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
- Gene Perret
Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does.
- Munder's Law
If
laughter was the best medicine, you can bet there'd be a line of high-priced-prescription jokes [sold
by the pharmaceutical industry]. Don't anyone kid you!
- Earl in Mr Boffo Cartoon
You spend your whole life believing
that you're on the right track, only to discover you're on the wrong train.
- Author Unknown
Except for an occasional heart
attack I feel as young as I ever did.
- Robert Benchley
I have retired, unretired, and retired again all
in the past 10 years. I find the biggest trouble with having NOTHING to do is . . . you can't tell when you
are done.
- Author Unknown
Waiting until your retirement party
is too late to start planning your [retirement] portfolio.
- Richard Wastcoat
If you retire right the only thing you will worry about is when to
eat and when to sleep.
- Author Unknown
If you want to earn your retirement karma points
while discovering . . .
-
The Secrets to an Effortless, Happy Retirement
-
The Secrets to Having
Everything You Want in Retirement
Review of
How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free
Make the most important investment that you can
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Amazon.com
WEBSITE COPYRIGHT © 2012 by Ernie J. Zelinski
Author of World's Best
Retirement Book
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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